Couples Counselling

Relational LIfe therapy is based on the work of internationally renowned psychotherapist, Terry Real. Therapists and coaches trained in the RLT model do not see themselves as experts, rather we see ourselves as "fellow travellers" working on our own recovery and acknowledging our own challenges. Relational Life Therapy is unique to other modalities as we work with both shame and grandiosity. When we are in a state of grandiosity, we are in a state of "me" as opposed to "we." Grandiose individuals are walled off and although this feels good, it doesn't feel so good to our partners.

When we are in a state of shame, we are withdrawn and our impulse is to hide, isolate and protect ourselves. This is not a state where we are naturally drawn to connect from.  In RLT we teach clients to find their way to the middle ground or "same as", back into relational receptivity, and back to connection and intimacy. 

Relational respect is about honoring ourselves, our partners, and the relationship. We are not worse or better than; we are equal and from this space of healthy self-esteem and personal accountability, we acknowledge our imperfections, our struggles, and build skills to develop better communication. 

RLT addresses the imbalance of power in the relationship and through conflict resolution, relational respect, and joining through the truth, clients learn to communicate their needs in a cherishing way rather than by retaliation, anger, or blame. RLT helps to support the less dominant partner to find their voice, to speak from their heart, and to avoid reactivity. We learn we will be triggered by our partner, and we feel the "whoosh" of the discomfort, but with compassion and curiosity, we learn to respond in new ways that not only support our own physiological system but our partner's as well. 

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Being in a healthy relationship is good for our health! Through co-regulation, we feel more vital and creative, we strengthen our immune systems, open our hearts and build a resilient physiological structure. 

As coaches, we sometimes take sides but we also take a look at both partners and how maladaptive survival strategies and historically learned attachment patterns and disruptions have created deeply engrained and oftentimes unconscious behaviors that create barriers to intimacy, connection, and harmony within the relationship. 

Compared to other relational models, RLT is short-term and effective. If you would like to learn more about Relational Life Therapy, give me a call to see if this would be a good fit for you!